Clever Humans


Clever Humans do the darnedest things!


23 September 2006

Clever Humans Program Computers

by Patrick

In the mists of time, some of the world’s most Clever Humans invented a thing called a computer. These Clever Humans had names like Alan Turing and Charles Babbage (who later went on to invent an eponymous chain of computer game retailers which, due to mismanagement and shear idiocy, proved incapable of capitalizing on the blazing hot computer game market).

As they played with their new invention they quickly realized that something was wrong. It quickly became apparent to these Clever Humans that Computers Could Not Speak English!

You can imagine how frustrating this must have been. Here these Clever Humans are with this brilliantly powerful new toy, and every time they said, “Let’s Play Pong” the computer just winked at them. At first it may have been moderately flattering. But after a couple hours of getting winked at and preening about, one of their number, an Ada Lovelace, realized that maybe, perhaps, possibly. Nahh. No way. But… Just Maybe. These computers weren’t winking at them in response to the pleasant timbers of their voices and the brilliant things they were saying. The computers were winking cause they had no idea what they were saying and it all meant the same thing.

Never the type of people to be detered by such a simple problem, these Clever Humans invented a means of translating from english to computer through the use of a special computer language.

As time has passed, many, many Clever Humans have invented what they felt was an Even Better Computer Language.

Here, we will dip deep into the past and examine some of these historic, and even contemporary programming languages, and see what they are all about.