2019
February
The end
Standard

For Halloween this year, I am going to print the word “Like?” on a piece of paper and put it above my head. When people ask I will tell them I am FaceBook.

The end
Standard

Enough with cruelty free meat. I want cruel meat. Actually, I want my meat with extra cruelty. If there were a label on chicken titties saying, “we plucked this chicken while it was still alive, after forcing it to watch Veronica’s Closet reruns until it was bleeding,” I’d buy that. You are what you eat! Stop being a wishy washy, namby pamby crying little girl! Eat cruel.

The end
Standard

I have finally resigned myself to the idea that I will never be an early riser.

The end
The end
Standard

…and blessed is the Fruit of the Loom, Jesus. Holy Mary mother of…

The end
Standard

I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear. This man said “It’s gruesome that someone so handsome should care”

The end
The end