Clever Humans


Clever Humans do the darnedest things!


6 December 2011

You Swine You Vulgar Little Maggot You Worthless

by Patrick

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say 
in Texas. I’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions 
on the heel.  You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather 
kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. 

You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm 
deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a 
weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a 
revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. 

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared 
richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth 
into this world.  An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, 
abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and 
then killed themselfs in recognition of what they had done. 

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as 
you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought 
of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are 
vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of 
this earth.  And did I mention you smell?   

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to 
impress us with your insight.  The evidence that you are a nincompoop 
will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it 
more rapidly. 

You snail-skulled little rabbit.  Would that a hawk pick you up, drive 
its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to 
fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame 
of your ignoble blood.  May you ckoke on the queasy, convulsing nausea 
of your own trite, foolish beliefs. 

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty 
and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. 
Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won’t have sex with you. You are 
unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that 
reality forgot. 

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements 
of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us?  What fantasy do you 
hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more 
weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, 
waiting for the bite of the snake? 

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and 
obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living 
emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, 
you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper. 

On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient 
in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are 
dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all 
unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. 

You smarmy lagerlout git.  You bloody woofter sod.  Bugger off, pillock. 
You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish 
foot-licking twit.  You dankish clack-dish plonker.  You gormless 
crook-pated tosser.  You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce.  You 
cockered bum-bailey poofter.  You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting 
naff.  You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb.  You dread-bolted 
fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. 

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, 
noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise 
everything about you, and I wish you would go away. 

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are.  I mean rock-hard stupid.   
Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid.  Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond 
the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid.  You are 
trans-stupid stupid.  Meta-stupid.  Stupid collapsed on itself so far 
that even the neutrons have collapsed.  Stupid gotten so dense that no 
intellect can escape.  Singularity stupid.  Blazing hot mid-day sun on 
Mercury stupid.  You emit more stupid in one second than our entire 
galaxy emits in a year.  Quasar stupid.  Your writing has to be a troll.   
Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid.  Perhaps this is some 
primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid.  Some pure 
essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond 
the laws of physics that we know.  I’m sorry.  I can’t go on.  This is 
an epiphany of stupid for me.  After this, you may not hear from me again 
for a while.  I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant 
questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of 
the rest of this drivel.  Duh. 

the only thing worse than your logic is your manners.  I have snipped 
away most of your of whay you wrote, because, well… it didn’t really 
say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. 
I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of 
babbling was hardly effective… Maybe later in life, after you have 
learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. 
True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us “normal” people take 
for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes 
forget that there are “challenged” persons in this world who find these 
things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I 
would have never read your post.  It just wouldn’t have been “right”. 
Sort of like parking in a handicap space.  I wish you the best of luck 
in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a 
demand on you.