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2 March 2012

If I Had a Blog

by Patrick

If I had a blog, all my blog posts would be song lyrics and poop jokes. And sometimes poop jokes masquerading as song lyrics (“Just like me, they long to be, close to poo!”)

If I had a blog, I would tear the world apart with words, inspire rebellions and foment unions. I would make the Arab Spring more like the Irish Spring.

If I had a blog I would turn it into a money making marketing masterpiece of alliteration and farmed content and obscure references to World Music that no one actually likes but everyone pretends they like because it is so hip the Victoria Secret models in their giant left hip pose don’t have enough hip to stand up next to them.

If I had a blog all my posts would be numbered lists of things: the 10 Things to Blog About, the 8 Ideas I Just This Moment Had, the 152 Things I Didn’t List.

If I had a blog, you would weep. 

Oh the things I would do.

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