Clever Humans

Logo

Clever Humans do the darnedest things!

Categories

These posts are migrated from

401

somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep: disorder.

398

I would like to see a remake of Kindergarten Cop starring Rowan Atkinson playing the Mr. Bean character, instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Astronaut back on earth

My fondest dream is to one day have this issue.

Need a new car?

Margaret Thatcher’s armored bus is for sale on the internet!

383

I don’t usually remember things, details, about my life unless I write them down as a detail in a story or an essay. People ask me why I write? I write to remember.

372

Switched away from Tumblr and over to WordPress. Pretty similar theme, though. Want to try and post more things.

NSA

I saw a brilliant boy make a meal from waste in a dumpster

Productive Days

Today I took the first steps towards completing a project. One day I hope to take the last steps. It seems, though, that so often those first few steps come far easier than the final ones. As if each step is a weight that gets added to the next. A linear progression of increased labor as the work of the previous step makes the next harder to take. Ideally your experience with the project and understanding of its details would match pace with the increased difficulty, perfectly cancelling out the weight of all previous steps. Ideally. In reality it never seems to be so. Complexity fractals outward making the total number of steps infinite. No project is ever complete unless it is the project of us; growing, living, learning, loving, dying. And then it only completes because it ends, not because we got it right.

Up Down Turn Around Please Dont Let Me Hit The

Up, down, turn around, please don’t let me hit the ground. Tonight I think I’ll walk alone, find my soul as I go home.

If Not Ill Just Die By Lambchop Off The Album Mr

If Not I’ll Just Die by Lambchop off the album Mr. M

Grantimatter Trying And Trying And Trying An

http://cache.reverbnation.com/widgets/swf/40/pro_widget.swf?id=artist_1209496&posted_by=artist_1209496&skin_id=PWAS1002&border_color=000000

More Maltheism

Have I mentioned how much I love the Wondermark Maltheism thread? Here is the latest:

Thats Ok Hey Baby Do What You Please I Have The

That’s ok, Hey baby do what you please, I have the stuff that you want. I am the thing that you need.

Maltheism

Many maltheists believe that God is dependent on the worship and adoration of human beings for its existence, and hope that if it is deprived of humanity’s worship, it will wither up and die, 

If I Had a Blog

If I had a blog, all my blog posts would be song lyrics and poop jokes. And sometimes poop jokes masquerading as song lyrics (“Just like me, they long to be, close to poo!”)

I Have No Thought At All About My Own Reward I

I have no thought at all about my own reward, I really didn’t come here on my own accord. Just don’t say I’m damned for all time. 

Im So Happy Cause Today I Found My Friends

I’m so happy, cause today I found my friends.
They’re in my head.

Yo Brothas Respect Mine Or Anger The Tech Nine

Yo brothas respect mine, or anger the tech nine
Ch-POW! Move from the gate now

You Swine You Vulgar Little Maggot You Worthless

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say 
in Texas. I’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions 
on the heel.  You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather 
kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. 

Politicians Hide Themselves Away They Only Started

Politicians hide themselves away
They only started the war
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to the poor

I Have Reasons To Believe We All Will Be Received

I have reasons to believe we all will be received, in Graceland.

Hola Hola Hey Rollin Rollin Rollin With

Hola, Hola, Hey. Rollin, rollin, rollin with Kid-n-Play now.

I Was Kind Of Serious About This Question How

I was kind of serious about this question: “How come humans are the only animals with shitters that need to be wiped?” No other species of animal has this issue, just humans. Seriously, how did we evolve this way?

Its Time To Play The Music Its Time To Light

It’s time to play the music 
It’s time to light the lights 
t’s time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight. 

All I Want Is Life Beyond The Thunderdome

all I want is life beyond the Thunderdome.

How Come Humans Are The Only Animals With Shitters

How come humans are the only animals with shitters that need to be wiped?

Care Bear Bumping In The Heart Of This Here

Care bear bumping in the heart of this here

It Hadnt Properly Registered With Arthur That The

It hadn’t properly registered with Arthur that the council wanted to knock down his house and build a bypass instead.

Its A Neighborly Day In This Beauty Wood A

It’s a neighborly day in this beauty wood

Give Me Death Patrick Henry

“Give me death.” – Patrick Henry

All The Modern Things Like Cars And Such Have

All the modern things (like cars and such) have always existed. They’ve just been waiting in a mountain for the right moment, listening to the irritating noises of dinosaurs and people dabbling outside.

Sun Shines In The Rusty Morning Skyline Of The

Sun shines in the rusty morning, skyline of the Olympus Mons. …I think about it sometimes.

Even Gourmet Mexican Food Isnt Really All That

Even gourmet Mexican food isn’t really all that great. Fusion Mexican is good, especially when they fuse it with cultures that have really good food.

Pop Music Done By People Who Do Music That Hasnt

Pop music done by people who do music that hasn’t been pop music in a century!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adqae7A3MHA

I Would Like To Eat Up A Publix Sub For Dinner

I would like to eat up a Publix sub for dinner.

Other Peoples Exceptional Politeness Brings Out

Other people’s exceptional politeness brings out my exceptional sarcasm.

I Sold Opium Fireworks And Lead Now Im Telling

I sold opium, fireworks and lead, now I’m telling my troubles to strangers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPJl9LfrVNY

Happy Wifi Day 80211

Happy WiFi Day! (8.02.11)

Im Not A Pleasant Fucker Im The Pleasant

I’m not a pleasant fucker. I’m the pleasant fucker’s son.

Going To A Sade Concert Is Like Watching A Zalman

Going to a Sade concert is like watching a Zalman King movie, but without the tits.

I Will Break Your Ankles With My Cross Over

I will break your ankles with my cross-over!

Weezer Covers Radioheads Paranoid Android My

Weezer covers Radiohead’s “Paranoid Android” (my favorite Radiohead song!) Very credible job. When I am king, you will be first against the wall.

This Is Absolutely Unlistenable And Painful In Its

This is absolutely unlistenable and painful in its awesomeness. In The Hall of the Mountain King, synthesized from the screams of children: http://l.j-factor.com/mangled/MountainKing.mp3

Take Your Stinking Paws Off Me You Damn Dirty

Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape.

Inslumnational Underground Thunder Pounds When I

Inslumnational, underground Thunder pounds when I stomp the ground (Woo!) Like a million elephants and silver back orangutangs You can’t stop a train Who want some? Don’t come un-pre-pared I’ll be there, but when I leave there Better be a household name Weather man tellin’ us it ain’t gon’ rain So now we sittin’ in a drop-top soakin’ wet In a silk suit tryin’ not to sweat

Which Is Better Cookie Puss Or Fudgie The Whale

Which is better, Cookie Puss or Fudgie the Whale?

Smooth Like Buddha

Smooth like Buddha

All You Got Is This Moment The 21st Century Was

All you got is this moment. The 21st century was yesterday.

Im A Leader

I’m a leader.

Be Who You Are And Say What You Feel Because

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind

So Uh Does This Mean Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Gets

So, uh, does this mean Khalid Sheikh Mohammed gets the reward money?

If I Was A Tree Id Be A Cut Down Tree

If I was a tree, I’d be a cut down tree.

Now Dont Be A Cry Baby When Theres Wood In The

now don’t be a cry baby / when there’s wood in the shed / there’s a bird in the chimmney / and a stone in my bed / when the road’s washed out /they pass the bottle around / and wait in the arms /of the cold cold ground 

Go On Take Everything Take Everyting I Want You

Go on, take everything take everyting I want you to
Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to
Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to
Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to

Everyday Think As You Wake Up Today I Am

Everyday, think as you wake up, ‘today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.’

Move Aside And Let The Mango Through

Move aside, and let the mango through.

All I See Turns To Brown As The Sun Burns The

All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground 
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land 
Tryin’ to find….Tryin’ to find where I’ve been. 

I Need A Better Way To Find My Music My Music

I need a better way to find my music. My /Music folder is over 100GB. Organized by Artist/Album. Finding what I want to listen to *now* has become a chore. Any suggestions?

I’ve been weakened by a wizard on a wave

I promise not to turn this into a series of song lyric posts. But I just watched this youtube video which purports to show the lyrics to Pearl Jam’s Yellow Ledbetter, and I must say, those lyrics are completely wrong!

YellowLedbetter

Here are the true lyrics, feel free to read these as you listen to the song. You will see I am right:

On a ceiling
With a voice so bitter
I said,
”Man, you said,
‘I wanna leave it again.’”

Once I saw her
On a beach of
weathered horses.
I’m gonna say,
I wanna leave it again.

I’ve been weakened
By a wizard on a wave

And it goes, “Lanna say, Nanna Woah, wanna say,”
then I call out again.

And the wizard, on an evil combine, Oh!
He said, “I know whether I’m the boxer or the bag!”

Oh yeaahhh!

Can you see them? Out on the porch?
But they don’t wave

Yeah, I see them, by the runway. yeah.

And I know, that I know, I don’t wanna stay.

Make me cry.

{crying guitary solo}

Ahhhhh, geez,
I don’t wanna thumbnail

On the combine, on the wave
Out there,
I don’t, I don’t know whether there is a box or a bag.

Oh yeaaahhh.
Can you see them?
Out on the porch.
Can I get away?

yeah, I see them,
round the runway.

And I know, that I know, I don’t want to sleep.
Alone.

I don’t wanna stay.

I don’t wanna stay!

I don’t understand.

Nooooo.

Yeah.

Nooooo.

Really. Listen. You will see I am right.

Awesome Commercial

Awesome commercial

Even Doves Have Pride

Even doves have pride.

When Doves Cry, For Assassins

Dig if you will the picture
of you and I engaged on a job.
Your nervous sweat beads on your top lip
Can you, my darling
Can you kill this man?

Dream if you can a courtyard
An ocean of violence ensues
Security guards strike curious poses
They can feel the heat
The heat as we shoot them dead

We won’t leave witnesses standing
We’re tools in a world that’s so cold (so cold)
Maybe I’m just too backhanded
Maybe I’m just like my master, too good
Maybe I’m just like my bosses
They’re never satisfied (they’re never satisfied)
Why do we shoot at each other?
This is what it sounds like
When guns cry

Touch if you will my stomach
Feel all the organs inside
You’ve chamber just the one round
Don’t make me chase you
Hired guns have pride

I won’t leave witnesses standing
A tool in a world that’s so cold (so cold)
Maybe I’m just too backhanded
Maybe I’m just like my master, too good
Maybe I’m just like my bosses
They’re never satisfied (they’re never satisfied)
Why do we shoot at each other?
This is what it sounds like
When guns cry

When guns cry (guns cry, guns cry)

Don’t Cry (Don’t Cry)

When guns cry
When guns cry

Dead Dove

As I Grow Older I Find The Music Of My Youth Does

As I grow older, I find the music of my youth does not fill me with the satisfaction it once did. Hearing “fading fucking reminder” no longer makes me wonder at the power of the fuck. I find myself constantly looking for new music to “thrill me up.” …except for Powerslave. Enter the risen Osiris, risen Again!

I Am The Man Who Went Down The Stairs For Water

I am the man who went down the stairs for water, and came up the stairs with beer. They should make a movie about me.

I Slam My Fists Against The Post And Still Insist

I slam my fists against the post and still insist I see a ghost.

The 23rd Of Loneliness And We Dont Talk The Way

The 23rd of loneliness, and we don’t talk the way we used to do.

When I Am King You Will Be First Against The

“When I am king, you will be first against the wall.”

Thom Yorke Doing A Morrissey Impression Pretty

Thom Yorke doing a Morrissey impression. Pretty good.

Aliens Are Alien

Aliens are Alien.

A Computer Might Be Able To Beat Me At Jeopardy

A computer might be able to beat me at Jeopardy, but I will totally kick its ass at “Minute to Win It”

Really Excited To Watch Jeopardy Tonight

Really excited to watch Jeopardy tonight.

It Is Hard To Imagine A Worse Cover Of A Stevie

It is hard to imagine a worse cover of a Stevie Wonder song.

I Am A Leaf On The Wind

I am a leaf on the wind

Go Ahead Skin It Skin That Smoke Wagon And See

Go ahead, skin it, skin that smoke wagon and see what happens.

Nonsense I Have Not Yet Begun To Defile Myself

Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Just Started Watching Vanilla Sky For The Next

Just started watching Vanilla Sky. For the next three days I will be looking into the air and yelling, “Technical Support!!!!” whenever someone angers me.

Until This Battle Station Is Fully Operational We

Until this battle station is fully operational, we are vulnerable. The Rebel alliance is too well equipped. They are more dangerous than you realize.

Indian Sci Fi Movie Brilliance

Indian Sci-Fi Movie Brilliance

We Dont Have Mistakes Here We Just Have Happy

“We don’t have mistakes here, we just have happy accidents.”

I Just Learned From Bbc Radio That The Name Of The

I just learned from BBC radio that the name of the President of Syria is “Asshat.” I must have heard that wrong.

Having Only Wisdom And Talent Is The Lowest Tier

Having only wisdom and talent is the lowest tier of usefulness.

This Is A Ridiculously Catchy Auto Tune The News

This is a ridiculously catchy Auto-Tune the News. Much better than their normal videos!

Everytime I See The Gangsters Paradise Green

Everytime I see the Gangster’s Paradise “Green Hornet” trailer, I laugh. I want to see the movie more, just because of this.

Congratulations To You For Making It To The Day Of

Congratulations to you for making it to the day of 1s. Lots of love to those of you reading this who did not survive through 2010. 

All The Water In The World

All the water in the world.

Because Horacio No Longer Makes Christmas Mix

Because Horacio no longer makes Christmas mix tapes part 2:

Because Horacio No Longer Makes Christmas Mix 2

Because Horacio no longer makes Christmas mix tapes. 🙁

In Case I Dont Get Another Chance To Wish

In case I don’t get another chance to wish everyone a Happy Christmas, in the immortal words of Shane MacGowan: You’re a bum, You’re a punk, You’re an old slut on junk, Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed. You scumbag, you maggot, You cheap lousy faggot, Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it’s our last.

In A Little Over An Hour Duct Tape Will Go On

In a little over an hour, duct tape will go on sale and be 30% off at Amazon. It will cost only $7.24!!!!! Cyber Tuesday is just not as exciting as Cyber Monday.

My Biggest Complaint With The Walking Dead The Tv

My biggest complaint with The Walking Dead the TV show is the same complaint I had with the comic book – the writer REALLY underestimates how many guns there are in the south.

To The Simple Dog Throwing Up Was Like Some

“To the simple dog, throwing up was like some magical power that she never knew she possessed – the ability to create infinite food. ”

And Im A Man Of Great Experience

…and I’m a man of great experience.

The Walking Dead Is Very Good Very Faithful To

The Walking Dead is very good. Very faithful to the comic, so far.

Boom Bye Bye In A Batty Boys Head Indeed

Boom bye bye in a batty boy’s head, indeed!

For Halloween This Year I Am Going To Print The

For Halloween this year, I am going to print the word “Like?” on a piece of paper and put it above my head. When people ask I will tell them I am FaceBook.

Enough With Cruelty Free Meat I Want Cruel Meat

Enough with cruelty free meat. I want cruel meat. Actually, I want my meat with extra cruelty. If there were a label on chicken titties saying, “we plucked this chicken while it was still alive, after forcing it to watch Veronica’s Closet reruns until it was bleeding,” I’d buy that. You are what you eat! Stop being a wishy washy, namby pamby crying little girl! Eat cruel.

I Have Finally Resigned Myself To The Idea That I

I have finally resigned myself to the idea that I will never be an early riser.

And Blessed Is The Fruit Of The Loom Jesus Holy

…and blessed is the Fruit of the Loom, Jesus. Holy Mary mother of…

I Would Go Out Tonight But I Havent Got A Stitch

I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear. This man said “It’s gruesome that someone so handsome should care”

I Think People Who Read Self Help Books Have

I think people who read Self-Help books have mental problems.

Does The Microsoft Visual Studio Version

Does the “Microsoft Visual Studio Version Selector” ever choose the right version?

Little Fluffy Clouds

Little Fluffy Clouds.

Apparently Google Translate Is Lossy

Apparently Google Translate is lossy. 

This Makes Me Want To Do The Robot

This makes me want to do the robot.

Creationists Make It Sound Like A Theory Is

Creationists make it sound like a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night

Ive Come Not To Destroy The Law But To Fulfill

I’ve come not to destroy the law, but to fulfill it.

Taste Me You Will See That More Is All You Need

Taste me, you will see that more is all you need. (I am) dedicated to how I’m killing you. Come crawling faster. Obey your master. Your life burns faster. Obey your master.

Im The Fifth Rock From The Eighth Star Of The

I’m the fifth rock from the eighth star of the extraterrestrial bazaar

Why Are Buddhists So Into The Numbered Lists Of

Why are Buddhists so into the numbered lists of things? There are 18 feelings, 5 desires, 8 fold path, 4 noble truths, 3 insights, 5 degrees of enlightenment, to name only a very, very few.

Every Time I Hear Someone Mention Hurricane Earl

Every time I hear someone mention Hurricane Earl, I think they have a terrible accent and are talking about the Gulf Oil spill.

The Effing Typeface A Nsfw Typeface

The Effing Typeface. A NSFW Typeface

The Year After I Was Born This Happened There

The year after I was born, this happened. There must be some significance.

Kola Superdeep Borehole

The Kola Superdeep Borehole (RussianКольская сверхглубокая скважина) is the result of a scientific drilling project of the former USSR. The project attempted to drill as deep as possible into the Earth’s crust. Drilling began on 24 May 1970 on the Kola Peninsula, using the Uralmash-4E, and later the_Uralmash-15000_ series drilling rig. A number of boreholes were drilled by branching from a central hole. The deepest, SG-3, reached 12,262 metres (40,230 ft) in 1989, and is the deepest hole ever drilled, and the deepest artificial point on the earth.[1]

The Word Accoutrement Is Pronounced Ah Coo Truh

The word “accoutrement” is pronounced “ah COO truh mon.” It is NOT pronounced, “a cooter mint.” Though, in some situations, a cooter mint might be an appropriate accoutrement.

Gibbous Liberty

Let Freedom Swell.

Country Music Is Just So Inspirational And Heart

Country music is just so inspirational and heart felt. It really speaks right to the core of me. Expresses feelings I don’t know how to express myself.

Shrek After 20 Years of Marriage

And then I punched her face
And now I’m a bleeder
Without her mace, she put her fist in my mind
I’m in jail (ooh!)
I’m a bleeder
I couldn’t leave here if I tried.

Today Was Like One Of Those Fly Dreams

Today was like one of those fly dreams. {.UIIntentionalStory_Message}

As A Child I Learned The Parable Of The Prodigal

As a child I learned the parable of the prodigal son from the Bible. In the story, a man asks his father for his inheritance, goes and blows it, and then comes begging back to his father, who accepts him with open arms. I always felt it had two meanings, both of forgiveness. The first meaning is the metaphorical meaning of Jesus relating a story about how God feels about us: no matter how bad we fuck up, He will always accept us back. The second meaning is a literal story of how we should treat others: no matter how many times someone has failed, you should always help them back up. Alcoholics and smokers are the example of this I always think of. An alcoholic or a smoker might try to quit 1,000 times. They might fall off the wagon each and every time. But maybe the 1,001st time it finally takes.If you gave up on them after the 12th or the 112th time are you really following the lesson of the parable?

She Lives With A Broken Mana Cracked Polystyrene

She lives with a broken manA cracked polystyrene manWho just crumbles and burnsHe used to do surgeryFor girls in the eightiesBut gravity always winsAnd it wears him out, it wears him outIt wears him out, it wears…

Awesome Acoustic Version Of Radioheads Paranoid

Awesome acoustic version of Radiohead’s Paranoid Android (one of my favorite Radiohead songs.)

I Cant Imagine A Situation Where Video Taping A

I can’t imagine a situation where video taping a cop should be illegal. Maybe for undercover cops – but that’s about it.

Who Do You Call To Get Rid Of Mold In Your House

Who do you call to get rid of mold in your house? Googling for “fix my mold” in Orlando only found people who wanted to detect it, not fix it. I know it is there. Now I need someone to fix it.

It Happens All The Time This Crazy Love Of Mine

It happens all the time
This crazy love of mine
Wrapped around my heart
Refusing to unwind

Apparently Im Not As Charismatic As I Should Be

Apparently I’m not as charismatic as I should be.

Remember Pain Is Temporary Quitting Lasts

“Remember, pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.” 

I Ignore Facebook For Weeks At A Time Then

I ignore FaceBook for weeks at a time. Then occasionally go through a bout of adding smart ass comments to every status update in my “news feed.”

Between The World Cup And The Tour De France Next

Between the World Cup and the Tour de France next week, I don’t know when I’ll be able to do anything else!

Visit Sunny Pensacola Beach Florida For A

Visit sunny Pensacola Beach, Florida. For a limited time only, all beaches come with a free, unlimited supply of sun tan oil. Get it while it’s hot!!!

At The Beginning Of Every World Cup Match While

At the beginning of every World Cup match while the national anthems are being played, every member of each team stands with a kid in front of them. Apparently this was one of the conditions of being able to play in South Africa – every member of every team has to adopt at least one little South African child. 

I Want A Condom The Kind With Teeth People

I want a condom, the kind with teeth. (people should get beat up for stating their beliefs)

Poor Einstein Can’t Get Anything Right

New Quantum Theory Separates Gravitational and Inertial Mass {.blogh2}

Morgan Freemans Earing Makes Him Look Rakish

Morgan Freeman’s earing makes him look rakish. Like a pirate. Aarrh. 

I Would Like To Go To Africa And Personally Punch

I would like to go to Africa and personally punch every single person who has one of those stupid fucking horns.

Bp Spills Coffee

BP Spills Coffee

Well South Africa Has Beat Mexico In The Battle

Well, South Africa has beat Mexico in the battle of the National Anthems.

Watching Espn Mobile On The Evo Is Surprisingly

Watching ESPN Mobile on the EVO is surprisingly good! I’ll be able to have the phone next to me playing all the matches all day long. …just don’t call me.

World Cup Matches Are Going To Be Available On My

World cup matches are going to be available on my new phone! Go Sprint!

Are We Not Men? No, We Are EVO

Stood in line outside a Sprint store today and got my new HTC EVO phone. It is an insanely nifty thing!

Youre Gunna Give All This Up Eight Track Stereo

You’re gunna give all this up? Eight Track Stereo, color T.V. in every room, and can snort a half a piece of dope everyday? That’s the American Dream, nigga! 

Gorillaz And Tinie Tempah Do Clint Eastwood

Gorillaz and Tinie Tempah do “Clint Eastwood”

When The News Talks About Obama And Tar Balls Is

When the news talks about Obama and tar balls, is that a racial slur?

Doctors Do Not Cure Diseases Scientists Do It

Doctors do not cure diseases, scientists do. It will not be doctors who find a cure for aging, but scientists.

How Come They Dont Make Pendants For The Moms

How come they don’t make pendants for the mom’s that come in second place? That’s still pretty good.

On Tonights Episode Of Stargate Universe They

On tonight’s episode of Stargate Universe they showed someone reading a copy of John Scalzi’s “Old Man’s War.” Hilarious. 

Indigo Was Totally Just Added To The Rainbow So It

Indigo was totally just added to the rainbow so it would have 7 colors and make that “ROY G. BIV” acronym work, just like you always suspected. It should really be ROY GBP.

Before Charlie The Christ Stops Being The Governor

Before Charlie the Christ stops being the Governor of Florida he should pass a law making it illegal for the temperature outside to get above 88 degrees.

Sometimes You Look Back And Think I Should Have

Sometimes you look back and think, “I should have just made two functions.”

Feeling California Looking Hasidic

Feeling California. Looking Hasidic.

Everyone Called Him Cletus Except His Mom His Mom

Everyone called him Cletus except his mom. His mom named him Alistair, but Terrance said that sounded too pretentious and that from now on his name would be Cletus. It stuck.

The Old Saying All Programs Evolve Until They Can

The old saying “all programs evolve until they can send email” should be updated to “all programs evolve until they can update your Facebook and Twitter status.”

Whoever Except In Cases And Under Circumstances

Whoever, except in cases and under circumstances expressly authorized by the Constitution or Act of Congress, willfully uses any part of the Army or the Air Force as a posse comitatus or otherwise to execute the laws shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.

The Only Reason The Lyrics Are And They Will Know

The only reason the lyrics are “and they will know we are Christian by our love” is because “and they will know we are Christian by our intolerance and lack of charity” wouldn’t fit the rhyme scheme.

I Am Withered Like An Old Apple John

I am withered like an old apple-john.

Kiss Tries A New Direction

Kiss Tries a New Direction

On July 10 2004 Dr Rudolph Stapp Before His

On July 10, 2004, Dr. Rudolph Stapp, before his disappearance, submitted his extensive report, “Quantum Vibrational Harmonic constants and the inherent flaw in the Grand Unified Theory” to a cadre of the esteemed scientific elite at Cambridge. The 300-page paper pieced together unproven scientific theorem with unduplicated laboratory experiments from the last two hundred years. The closed conference lasted 8 hours. Very little information from that lecture has leaked out but several members were reportedly shaken and quiet upon leaving. Dr Thomas Kyle, winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1991, walked slowly out and promptly walked into a post. Another double Nobel winner, whose name was removed from the registry by request, left his seat as the Mallinckrodt Professor of Physics at Harvard University to join the Catholic Church. The professor apparently relayed the information in the paper to Cardinal Back is from Lithuania, who then apparently made the professors swear to secrecy to never reveal the information to anyone other than the Pope…although this report was not confirmed and is still only speculatory. Stephen Hawking refused to talk to anyone about the lecture upon leaving and denies having ever attended Stapp’s lecture to this very day.

I Have Examined All The Known Superstitions Of

I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology. Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half the world fools and the other half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the earth.

Turns Out That Kate Bush Song About Two Comic

Turns out that Kate Bush song about two comic strip characters falling in love is actually about a book by someone named Emily Bronte. Who knew?

I Think If Stephen Hawking Could Travel Through

I think if Stephen Hawking could travel through time, he would go forward to the point where ALS has been cured. Marilyn Monroe can wait.

Mythbusters Should Do An Episode Where They Test

MythBusters should do an episode where they test to see if it is really possible to suck start an engine.

Mythbusters Should Do An Episode Where They Test 2

MythBusters should do an episode where they test to see if it is really possible to suck start an engine.

Waiting Outside With A Thick Pole From The Closet

Waiting outside with a thick pole from the closet of his small apartment, he viciously beat Charley Lane, a local bully and leader of a small gang who had picked on him. Unintentionally, he beat Lane to death. Kuklinski felt remorse for Lane’s death for a brief period, but then saw it as a way to feel powerful and in control. He then went on to nearly beat to death the remaining six gang members. Richard then believed that “giving is better than receiving.”

Back In The Day Chuck D Was Pissed I Miss That

Back in the day, Chuck D was PISSED! I miss that.

Music Ennui

I never know what to listen to anymore. I have nearly 100 various Pandora stations. All of them very fascinating and interesting. But all of them also very one note. All the music in those stations sound the same. And if I deliberately pick extremely strange and weird music that is completely opposite (say, KMFDM, Jonathon Coulton, Dr. Dre, and Faith Hill) then eventually Pandora just starts playing all Led Zeppelin.

No Car For a Week

I’ve decided to try and go this entire week without using my car at all. Just my bike or walking.

50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology: Shattering Widespread Misconceptions about Human Behavior

I’m a sucker for things which purport to show people how everything they know and believe is wrong. I suppose, in my head, I always wanted to be an iconoclast. So I’m looking forward to reading this book (haven’t got it yet).

Paris Rubaix

Looking forward to watching Pairs-Rubaix bike race tomorrow.

Blast From The Past

Blast from the past!

Here Is A Video Of Michael Jackson And Diana Ross

Here is a video of Michael Jackson and Diana Ross dancing with giant dildos. MJ is a far far better dancer with his dildo than is Diana Ross.

Oh Oh Guns Of Brixton

Oh, oh, Guns of Brixton

Resharper

I really like Resharper and use it all the time. But sometimes its code completion help is just a little too aggressive.
Using ReSharper, it is almost impossible to type the following command correctly the first time (because resharper will automatically close your double quotes):

Nucular Waists

According to NPR (and NPR never lies) all of the nuclear waste produced by all of the commercial nuclear reactors in the United States *ever* would fill up a 25 feet deep hole the size of a football field.

Animals were hiding behind the rocks

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground, try this trick and spin it, yeah.
Your head will collapse, but there’s nothing in it, and you’ll ask yourself…

I want to go back to where I hadn’t learned everything

I want to go back to where I hadn’t learned everything; where there were still mysteries of human knowledge open to me; where life was unexplored and paths branched off in every direction. I want to feel again the wonder of discovery, the fear of the unknown, the excited terror of not knowing what is around the next corner.

The Slave Maker Queen

When a Queen Slave Maker ant mates, she does not make her own nest as a queen from another species would. Instead, she fakes her own death near another ant colony. The enemy ant soldiers drag her body to their queen in preparation for consuming her. When in the Queen’s presence the Slave Maker Queen springs to life and slays the enemy queen. She disembowels the enemy queen and rolls in the viscera, covering herself in the enemy queen’s sent. Ants identify one another by sent. The workers think the Slave Maker Queen is their own queen and tend to the eggs she lays.

Wherein I Pretend To See Michael Jackson Videos for the First Time Ever

Did you know Michael Jackson had music videos? Well, either did I. I need to watch a few.

michael_jackson

Remember the Time?

I bet you remember… but the video for Remember the Time has ABSO-fucking-LUTELY nothing to do with the song. He’s singing about being on the phone, at the shore, baddadat badda dat dot dat, to the great pharaoh, Eddie Murphy, in ancient Egypt. This is Ancient Egypt! They didn’t have phones, or spring, or baddadats.

I think it is really, “do you remember the time when Coming to America” came out? Michael seems to have been very influenced by movies over the years. I think this video was simply,  “Hey MJ, do you have a song you want to release, cause this cool new movie just came out and we already have the video.”

The only thing I remember about Coming To America: “The Royal Penis is clean, your Highness.”

The Way You Make Me Feel

I think Michael had just seen West Side Story when he filmed this video. Though, this video is far and away better than the Remember the Time video. For one thing, it has a pretty baby with high heels on in it. She gives me fever like I’ve never ever known.

Though, the story of the video is: a hooker is walking through a Bad neighborhood where people sing songs off Bad and are going to attack and rape her. But then it turns out ok, cause it is just Michael Jackson and he’s actually just make believe.

Oh, and Michael gets rather lewd toward the end. Right after the super gay dance routine. And I think he calls for her… and her name is “Ho.”

Ja Cool?

Smooth Criminal

Somehow Michael Jackson has learned that what makes members of organized crime groups so dangerous is their penchant for domestic violence. Because, despite the video itself, and the leaning, the song really seems to be about a woman who got smacked around by her man. No doubt Michael wishes he were a cool, smooth criminal, who could also beat up on those women-things that he truly just does not understand.

This is another long “epic” video of Michaels. It, also, is significantly better than the Remember the Time video (but, really, what isn’t?). In fact, I would say this video is second only to Thriller in the Michael Jackson oeuvre.

Though, by the time the video is over, you really want Michael to stop asking if she is okay, and get off his ass and walk over and check. I mean, if she hasn’t answered by now, it’s likely she’s not okay and probably needs some medical attention.

Annie are you Oakley? Are you Oakley, Annie?

Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough

Michael Jackson seems to have been profoundly influenced by movies over the course of his career, most likely because, like him, they are all make believe.

In Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough (Michael’s first solo video since his dad stopped touching him in ways that made him feel really good, but yet somehow vaguely guilty at the same time) he actually refers to The Force. You know, like Yoda and Vader and stuff? Yeah, that Force. Keep on with the Force, don’t stop. Don’t stop till you get enough.

There is something to be said for the simplicity of this video. It is Michael in a tuxedo, gyrating and looking naive. The choreography isn’t even all that good. It is mostly a lot of high stepping and pelvic thrusts. This song was the first single from the album Off the Wall, which was released in 1979 and was Michael’s first solo album. From that perspective, the idea that Michael Jackson at one point is actually dancing with three copies of himself is probably actually very innovative and hi-tech.

Keep on, with the Force don’t stop.

Rock With You

Oh Michael, what are you wearing? Dear God. There is no way I’m riding that boogie. He’s just so sparkly. Silver sweater, silver pants, silver boots. This entire video seems like nothing but an after thought. It is a sparkly, definitely sparkly,Michael rockin’ out with his microphone out. All in front of a green laser light show. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so critical. This is only the second video Michael ever did. It is is so similar to his first video, Don’t Stop till You Get Enough, that it should not be surprising. It would still be another couple years before he completely reinvents music videos. But it is hard not to expect more from him at this point in his career.

Just take it slow, we got so far to go.

Thriller

Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this film in no way endorses a belief in the occult. Ah, people were so naive in the early 80s, they actually believed in werewolves and zombies and Michael Jackson. Presumably, this video is set in the ’50s. Michael is wearing a letter jacket, the chick he tries to date rape is wearing a poodle skirt and golf shoes.

“I have something to tell you, I like other guys.” Oh, wait, that’s not what he said at all. It’s close to midnight. Michael becomes a wolf man and again, he tries to beat up on a woman.

I don’t believe I’ve yet watched a single video where Michael Jackson doesn’t in some way talk about or show a woman getting beat up. He is so misunderstood.

Oh, wait… it was all just make believe. It was just a movie. It really was the 80s version of the 1950s.

Now we are back in present time, the 80s, and Michael is being an asshole. Apparently, it’s close to midnight. Must’ve been a late movie.

This video is actually pretty boring while Michael is singing. The song, in my opinion, is *not* one of his better songs. I don’t like listening to it without the video. Though, I must confess, as a child I not only owned this album, but I owned the “dance like Michael Jackson” break dancing kit. It came with a glove and an instruction book on how to moon walk and do the worm. I don’t believe I’ve ever actually seen Michael Jackson do the worm, but in retrospect that was an oddly appropriate choice of move to put in the book. Prescient, even.

Eventually, Vincent Price talks, and no mere mortal can resist the evil of The Thriller.

Then the music stops and the video gets good again.

Eventually, they do the Thriller dance. Which, is really the only reason to ever watch this video again.

Doing the Thriller dance has become so popular and so funny that it is done at weddings and prisons. Some would say I’m being redundant.

Cause this is Filler, Filler right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byx8kt0O_mk

Be sure to check out the Totally Rad Dances with Dancin’ Kim.

—–

</p> </p>

Writing a post with embedded Your Tubes links is always rife with danger and intrigue. This is mostly because of idiocy. And, for a change, not mine. Whenever I embed Y’all Tube links in a post, within months, they have been taken down because some dumb ass music executive calls them a copyright violation. We’ll see if this fairs any better.

St. Peter Must Be Stopped

My entire life one person or another has come up to me and told me of some of the shenanigans that St. Peter has pulled. He is constantly in the news, constantly pulling one con after another, yet no one ever does anything. They just laugh and go on about their day. As if to say, “well, he’s an angel, waddaya gonna do?” Well, I tell you, I’ve had enough. His atrocities are beyond the pale. In this post, I will expose many of the most common cons that St. Peter regularly pulls.

Firstly, it is important to realize that St. Peter is a minor bureaucrat. A former apostle, the first pope, now a minor bureaucrat. Like any minor bureaucrat, he has a great job title, he is the Guardian of the Gates of Heaven, but has a profoundly boring job, he records the people who die and tell them whether they get to go to heaven or hell. Which is probably an interesting job for a day, or a week, but after a couple millennia ennui inevitably sets in.

St. Peter tries to spice up his job. As such, he has started making a game out of determining people’s eternal future. One of the most common games he plays is forcing people to have random items on them when they approach the pearly gates. As if all of this person’s life has become some random scavenger hunt where they didn’t know what they were supposed to find. Here is an example:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he said.

“You may pass through the pearly gates” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”

Saint Peter said “You may pass through the pearly gates”.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “These are Carols.”

“Something that represents Christmas?!” What kind of absurd mockery of a system is this? These poor guys had to come up with some tortured stretch of a rationalization to justify to this macabre game show host why they should be allowed into heaven. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute. They just DIED. A minute ago they were alive, smoking, or stealing women’s underwear, and the next minute, they’re DEAD. POW! DEAD! They travel up to the gates of heaven, which by all accounts are overwhelmingly lovely. This angel walks up to them. An ANGEL. These men have never seen an angel before. They are disoriented and maybe even a little surprised to be where they are, and this honest to God, Angel, walks up to them. And does he say, “Hey guys, welcome to Heaven?” No. Does he say, “Sorry you had to die, but your family is just inside waiting for you.” No. He says, “Hey guys, let’s play a game.” An ANGEL walks up to you and wants to play a GAME about whether or not you get to go into heaven! The idea that he can get away with this sort of thing, and has apparently been doing this for hundreds of years, is absolutely insane.

Another one of the games St. Peter plays involves collusion with Lucifer. Now, as I said, St. Peter has been at this job for millennia. He has seen all sorts of people. He has been to heaven, hell, he knows God, Jesus and Lucifer. I guess what I’m saying is that he’s been around the block. Yet even with all that knowledge, he still gives people the choice of whether or not they want to go to heaven or to hell.

Now, he knows the devil. He knows the devil is going to pull a bait and switch. It is inevitable. But does he advise people as to Satan’s tactics? Of course not. Does he try to talk up heaven or sell it at all? Of course not.

Here is an example of his corruption:

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the senator.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.”’I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.”

Oh, ha ha, right? It’s all very funny. Until St. Peter capriciously decides that YOU should go to hell. Twice this senator told St. Peter, “Nah, nevermind, just send me to heaven.” But St. Peter refused. St. Peter made this guy visit hell. Gave Satan the chance to sell this poor man on how wonderful hell is. I mean, the Devil is renowned as being a fantastic salesman. We all say The Devil’s Advocate. Not all of us can be as strong and forthright as Keanu Reeves, no matter how much we may wish we were.

 

What can we do about it? Well, we could start a petition drive to have St. Peter removed from his post. Give it to the Pope and leave it up to him. In the meantime, if you know you are about to die, fill your pockets with all sorts of useless crap. You never know what sort of bizarre item St. Peter will make you produce. And if you find yourself before the pearly gates, and St. Peter gives you a choice of heaven or hell. Play along, but CHOOSE HEAVEN. It goes without saying, but, THE DEVIL IS LYING. He is. Doesn’t matter what he says, but he is lying. It’s what he does.

Good luck. And God Bless.

Wherein I Cover “Maybe I’m Amazed” Covers

I like the Paul McCartney song, “Maybe I’m Amazed.” It covers a whole range of emotions and feelings. McCartney wonders if he is a man, wonders if his lover is a woman, hints that he might, possibly, be amazed at the idea that he is feeling an emotion that isn’t amazement. It’s a song everyone can relate to. We have all had those moments where we suddenly stop having sex and wonder if our partner is male or female. Right? Haven’t we? All of us?

It’s a great song, a true classic. And like all true classics, thousands of people have sung their own versions in front of a camera and uploaded them to YouTube.

 

I just tried singing it for the first time here, alone, in my house, by myself, where no one could ever possibly hear me. For the first time. I sounded a lot like this:

Maybe this cover is amazing. Maybe it’s terrifying. Me, I’m going to go with terrifying. Maybe I’m amazed the baby survived the entire performance.

Even people with down’s syndrome have gotten in on the act and performed a version! Maybe he just has a cold. Baby I’b abased ab da way ya lub me all da tibe.

Some people are able to cover especially crappy versions of the songs right after waking up. This kid manages to sing this atrocious cover in a female voice without ever moving his mouth.

Even the clergy get in on the action. This is the Catholic version. Father McFadden and his crazy effects pedal.

I don’t know if this guy is for real or not. He put a lot of work into it if he isn’t. I’m afraid if I criticize it too much he will run me down with a snowmobile and feed me to his cats.

And then there’s Dr. Slam. I know. You were worried I wasn’t going to be able to find someone to top the hands guy. Remember, this is YouTube! Dr. Slam is the guy from Total Recall who takes off his hand and unfolds an extra arm. I think everyone who gave this guy positive comments is really just Dr. Slam himself, signing in under different accounts.

Wow Facebook Sure Looks Different Now Perhaps If

wow, facebook sure looks different now. Perhaps if I logged in more than once every couple months I’d have noticed sooner…

Oh And Posty Works With Twitter Pownce

Oh, and Posty works with Twitter, Pownce, FriendFeed, Tumblr, Jaiku, and others! Why don’t they all?

Fantastic Media Player vs GPL

I was looking for updates to my Media Gate MG45 media player and stumbled across a site of people (hackers) who have taken to modifying and developing their own ROM for the MG45. Cool! They probably added a lot more functionality than the manufacturer had.

YouTube’s Revenue Model

It is widely reported that YouTube makes no money. It is also widely mocked that being an “internet star” has absolutely no financial benefit. You create a great, funny, viral video, upload it to YouTube, get four or five million views, but no profit.

Friday Recap May 30, 2007

On The Sugarhill Gang

Friday Recap 4/25/08

You know, it isn’t a Good Friday unless a Savior dies. I had hoped that posting these Friday recaps would make me post more during the week. But, alas, it hasn’t. Of course, this is only my second one. I blame our instant gratification based society. On to the recap:

Friday Recap 4/18/2008

About two months ago I created a google calendar entry to remind me to post a Friday recap post every week. This will be my first such recap.

A Basic use of Max in Linq

It took me an unfortunately long time to figure out the Linq equivalent to the following SQL Statement:

Price Conscious Grocery Shopping

Buying groceries for you is not as cheap as it used to be. Prices for just about everything are going up and up and up. For me, though, it is a lot cheaper than it used to be. I have set myself a budget of $300 per month for groceries. I am a single man. I share my house with my beagle, Isaac. There should be no reason I have to spend the $500 per month for groceries that I used to be spending. This is on top of another $500 per month in eating out. So I’ve given myself a $300 /mth grocery budget (no more Whole Foods for me!). Once I actually quit my job, I will also give myself a $100 / mth eating out budget.

How You Can Tell When MSDN Documentation is Lacking

This is one of the top landing pages on my blog. Most people find it by searching on google for WPF Passwordbox Value. Additionally, on that search, my post is the top entry (as of right now). And none of the results below my post on google look like they would provide the answer. I don’t know how Microsoft can collect metrics like this, but this is an obvious deficiency in their documentation and samples.

Incredible Gmail Memory Usage

 Over the past couple weeks I’ve been noticing unbelievable amounts of memory usage when using Gmail. Whether I am using FireFox or Internet Explorer, the same behavior happens. I am running this on Windows Vista. This is an absolutely insane amount of memory usage!

Site Redesign

Well, I got the first part of the site redesign done. At the least, all the content I wanted to put in place is now where I want it to be, even if it is not as pretty as it can be. I wanted to put my most recent post (which, um, should be this one for a couple days) on the home page. But I wanted to do it in the laziest way possible. My home page is just a vanilla html page. No server side code at all. So anything I did would have to be done in JavaScript. I checked out the dasBlog APIs, but they were decidedly unhelpful. The webservices cannot give me useful things like the most recent article from the site.

You are disoriented. Blackness swims toward you like a school of eels who have just seen something that eels like a lot. *

I like my blog. I like my blog like I like steak. I want it quite often, but I can’t have it every day. That would be too much.

Italy Trip Pictures

I promised more pictures from my trip to Italy. Do not let it be said that I do not deliver. Be sure to read the captions of the pictures. Be sure to marvel at the wonder that is Goat Fucker.

I Tally The Votes!

For the last little bit of long time, I have been vacationing in Italy. Now, after much walking and drinking and walking and eating, I have returned. I took pictures. People keep asking if I took pictures. I did. Really. I did. Do you truly think I would travel all the way to Italy and not take pictures? I will post them in a separate area. Some are pictures of beautiful fine art masterpieces…

Simple WPF PasswordBox Answer

If you use a PasswordBox in WPF, the property you need to use to read the password typed in by the user is called “Password.”

BitArray Annoyance

The BitArrayclass in .Net is used to store a set of true and false values. It really is simply an array of Boolean values. And if Microsoft had left it there … just a specialized collection of bools, no one would have said anything. They could have called it BoolArray and everyone would have gone home happy. Instead, however, they chose to name the class BitArray and provide methods on that class to do logical operations on the array of Booleans. They added AND, OR, NOT, and XOR. So great! Now I can do bitwise operations on my array of Booleans.

Learning a New Programming Language

Eventually we all have to do it – programming languages wax and wane. One day you wake up and you are programming in Latin. All the cool kids have long since learned Italian.

Clever Humans Estimate Software and so do they!

You probably don’t estimate software projects very well. No, not you. I mean my other reader. You, of course do it fine. But the other person reading most likely doesn’t do it very well at all. Estimating software is a rather complex task, after all. You can’t be expected to get it right all the time.

Got a new camera!

I bought a new camera. I tis a Canon PowerShot G9. I’m a pretty crappy photographer, but my new camera makes me seem like a not so crappy photographer. Imagine what it would do in the hands of someone who knew what they were doing?

Understand Me

In the movie vesion of Fight Club there is a scene where Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) and Marla (Helena Bonham Carter) are dancing. It occurs during Tyler’s first meeting with Marla. Marla had called Jack during a suicide attempt as a cry for attention. Jack didn’t care, so he put down the phone. Tyler walks by and picks up the phone. Next thing you know he is over at Marla’s place convincing her to leave with him. As they are leaving, they notice the police running toward Marla’s apartment. The two of them duck into an alcove and start dancing to some music that only the two of them can here. Brad Pitt does most of the dancing. It is only for a couple seconds in the film:

Truffles Taste Like Shit

Last weekend I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner.

Things I Learned This Week

I spent a lot of time writing a Windows Presentation Foundation application this weekend. It is a Podcast application for ClariFeed. Mostly I’m writing it because I’m not happy with any of the current podcast applications out there. Also it makes a good addition to ClariFeed. Though I probably should have spent the time working on improving the front end of ClariFeed.

Old Music Review

I’ve spent the last several weeks either reacquiring music I listened to years ago, or listening to old music that I had always meant to get around to, but never really did.

The Death of Mailing Lists

Am I the only one who believes the general move toward forums for technical questions, information and collaboration is a step backward? Used to be everyone who was anyone subscribed to mailing lists on whatever subject was the most interesting.

Where Have I Gone Wrong?

Writing is a disgusting habit that I gave up long ago. Worse than smoking, chewing or dipping. Worse than crack cocaine. I used to be a writer. I wrote all the time, every chance I got; at night, in the mornings, in the afternoon. Anytime I could get a couple minutes to myself, there I would be, furiously writing away.

What I Am Reading

I have been reading a lot of different things recently. Really gone on an Amazon.com spending splurge and started sucking down all sorts of disparate things. I have several different books going right now.

Go and tell that lonesome liar

On the CW (the new UPN / WB combo network), after Smallville, they played a commercial for a preview for Supernatural.
In the preview, they played a version of Moby’s Run On that sounds like it was sung by Johnny Cash.

Tonight’s TED Talk: Richard Dawkins

The conference for Technology Entertainment and Design (TED) has made its talks from past years conferences available online. I have decided to watch one of them each night until I am done.

USB Apps

This is a good list of free applications that will run from a USB key device.

Everything Is Better In Slow Motion

Everything Is Better In Slow Motion

Pre-Flip

We currently live in a pre-flip time. To our grand children or great grand children, we will live in a world that is completely upside down. Nothing we do today will seem right from their point of view.

Clever Humans Love God

God is a comforting thought. There is a being that understands you. He knows why you chose to be a programmer. Why you don’t quit your job. Why you said that to the woman in the elevator. Somewhere, unbelievably, someone Really Knows You. Deep inside. And more than that. He Loves what He sees. He made it that way and He Loves it. He Loves it like you loved the first girl you ever french kissed. He Loves it more than you love to fuck.

Why Writing Is More Dangerous Than Programming

Paul Graham today wrote about why Writing is Harder than Hacking. Graham talks about how programming is easier than writing because if you get something wrong in a computer program, you just go back and fix it. If you aren’t getting it right, you just keep trying again and again until it works. But with writing, this is not the case. Sure, you can go back and edit something you write, but as soon as someone reads it, it is done. You can’t fix it anymore. In general, people aren’t going to go back and re-read something you wrote to see if you got it right this time. Even worse than that, they are going to pass judgment. Mess up enough times and they will stop reading you. With programming, people expect bugs.

A Good Idea

I wonder if Vista will have this feature:

Marmaduke Explained

I never really found the marmaduke comics funny. They were always a quick glance and then I’d look away.

El Woof!

I’m not a very big fan of Chick Fil A. Mostly, I like their breakfast. But I never really want Chick Fil A.

dasBlog — Awesome Blog Tool

This site was created using dasBlog in all of 5 minutes. What’s more to say?

Like My New Logo?

When I was in college I had a friend who had a box turtle. She kept it in a terrarium, which is like a three dimensional box without a top. It was just like this except for the part that it was really small and fit on her desk.

Clever Humans Program Computers

In the mists of time, some of the world’s most Clever Humans invented a thing called a computer. These Clever Humans had names like Alan Turing and Charles Babbage (who later went on to invent an eponymous chain of computer game retailers which, due to mismanagement and shear idiocy, proved incapable of capitalizing on the blazing hot computer game market).

Blogging with Windows Live Writer

I am using Windows Live Writer to post my blog. So far it seems to be pretty decent for my needs. It is a WYSIWYG editor that supports several different blog formats. The blog system I use is dasBlog and Windows Live Writer had that as a pick list item. Supposedly it also supports open formats such as  Movable Type.

An Old Blog Post

This is an old blog post I made from several years ago. It is a good example of a Clever Human: